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Past. Present. Future.

It’s funny how when you look back at your life you see the bigger picture that God actually wanted you to see all along. The things that you deemed important are seemingly empty feelings that have worn and disintegrated over time. That person you thought you would marry, the friends that you thought would be around for a life time, the routines that you use to set out in order to feel a certain way or be more religious, it’s all just history. It’s all the past. Yet the past seems to permeate and resonate into the future. It has lasting consequences to the decisions and the life you lead today.

So, was some of my past worth living? Was my blindness and complete naivety supposed to be?  And have I learned from my many mistakes and utter disillusions?!

I guess when thinking about such things I have to ultimately bring myself back to the fundamental truths that I believe… everything in my past, everything in my here in now and into the future can be, and is used for the glory of God. Regardless of whether I was a complete idiot or was walking with the Lord. Everything has a purpose, everything has a reason, and EVERYTHING has the power to be used to glorify and magnify the Lord.

So the next question I have to ask myself…has my past been used to bring glory to the true and living God, or have I squashed the opportunity to let the past become something that I try not to let seep into my future? Have I tried to separate the two colliding worlds with my selfishness and earthly pride?

Yes and no! I’ve known for a very long time that I had been marked out by my maker to ultimately bring glory to him by the life that I lead. But il be the first to admit that this truth hasn’t always been enough for me, when actually in reality it was. I guess my life so far wouldn’t be called a ‘normal’ life by the world’s standards. By living for a different purpose, and dancing to a completely different tune to what this world is plodding along to, you see life in a different way.

As my eyes have seen more of the Lord, and my heart has delved into the richness of the never ending well of grace, I’ve been changed. I’ve been changed from one degree of glory to another. I’ve realised that in order for me to grow and adapt into the person Christ has called me to be, it takes my past, my failings, my hurts and also my joys to bring me to the place I’m in today .

In this world of quick fixes and solutions, life changing years don’t happen overnight. They take diligent prayer, they require obedience and refinement.  And most of all it takes a willing heart that desires to see the kingdom of God collide with this broken, sinful world.

 I still let pride rob me, I still squash God into a box, but, I am forever grateful for my past, and for my salvation. For if I hadn’t lived in response to what Christ had done on the cross for me, I know my life would be unsatisfying and empty. Praise God that he made me his, that he opened my heart to see the salvation he won for me. I pray that in years to come I would look back on this moment and know more of the heart of God, not just for my own little life, but a bigger picture, an eternal view from the past to the future.

Posted 6 months ago